You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
