Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
