Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
