I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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