my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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