Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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