I love black thongs
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dear god my vagina.
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