Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
