to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
