TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
