im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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