I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
