I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
