i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
