Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
they need to just BURY HIM!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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