batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
