very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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