THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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