you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
