Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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