i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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