We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
