Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
