I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
