i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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