Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
