wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
