why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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