I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
