If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
