I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
