I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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