im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
