hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
