I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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