Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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