walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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