**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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