Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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