sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
