Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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