You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
