I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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