You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need water and some morals
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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