I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
