You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
