please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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