Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
