He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
