Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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