why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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