How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
