all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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