What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
